My mom and two younger sisters came to visit me recently. We had a lovely time “girling” out; shopping, chick flicks, junk food, flower gardens and scrap booking. A topic that was hesitantly brought up during this time was regarding my relationship with my older sister. As I have shared in a previous post, there has been some recent dishevel and we aren’t really on talking terms right now (though the invitation has been issued). My Mom felt like it was time for her to step in and ask for peace. The only problem for me was that I didn’t feel like I was the one that went to war or assaulted anyone. I didn’t feel like I had a white flag to rise. We had a very long discussion, mostly my mom sharing examples and experiences about family members fighting and creating rifts in families. After the long discussion, she still had more to say. She wrote me the following letter that I found when I came home from work the next day.
My Dear Precious Girl Coz,
Oh how I love you! Thank you & Luke for having us and the wonderful time! Thank you for the talk and listening and I guess I am not done – You know I don’t think we always think thru how our decisions ripple and affect others – I know you get to experience some of that in your choice. Learning to respect & accept one another are big things.
I know that you knew when you put Christ smoking on your site that it would offend some people, even some of your family, but you did it anyway. Our love for God runs deep and it’s not to be trivaled with. Whether you believe in God and Christ or not. None of us has the right to stand in judgment of each other. Whether we live in hypocrisy (by whose standards) or judgment – it doesn’t work – blaming and anger don’t have a place and shouldn’t in our lives. Loving one another in spite of what each may do is all that matters. Loving each other more than anything we each could do to hurt one another.
Communication is the key. Sitting back and not talking isn’t the answer. Men and women live and die misunderstood. We don’t want this in our family. You deserve to share your story, your ups & downs thru your choice so we can support and love you.
NO ONE enjoys being misunderstood or taken for granted. We don’t know where we each are unless we talk. We each need to learn best how to express our feelings without attacking each other – yes we each have our own paths. We each deserve to learn from one another and tear down walls, not put them up. You and Luke have a lot to offer and teach our family. I love you so very much. We each get to realize that there are areas in each of our lives and choices that we need to RESPECT!
We live in an imperfect world, where we are often all too human. Pain from words said can’t be taken back – but we all can allow the wounds to heal – learn from our mistakes and move forward having a brighter tomorrow.
I love you.
Love, Mom
Hi Cozette,
ReplyDeleteI want to first say thank you for sharing your experiences, voicing what you believe (or don't believe) in, and standing up for what you believe is right.
As I've read through your challenges with your sister, I can't help but think that you are standing your ground, your sister is standing hers, and it's putting your poor mother in an awkward spot. I'm not saying either of you are wrong, or right, just both passionate about your values.
I can see how the picture of Christ smoking could be offensive to those that believe in Christianity. To take it in a different perspective, find something you could never see yourself doing (prostitution, murder, etc.), and imagine seeing your face/body used in an image, doing that same thing and posted in a very public place. While it's not real, it could still evoke feelings of anger, disgust, and you'd probably be very upset with the person that posted it. That's the same way those that believe in Christ feel when their God is depicted doing something they feel he would never do. Yes, it seems trivial, and to a "non believer" it doesn't affect you, but it may affect others. I hope you don't see this as me bashing what you've done, or tying to put you in your place, but simply presenting how others may feel.
I myself am struggling with my personal beliefs. I was raised LDS, but recently have been very inactive and been doing things that are very much against the teachings of the church. It's been eye opening, and it's great to see others writing about their changes, so thank you for this blog.
I think there is a fine line between standing up for what you believe and being offensive to others (who may take offense easily, I'll give you that). I don't think you're intentionally being offensive to others beliefs, but I would simply advise to be a little more sensitive about their feelings before posting things that could be seen as offensive.
BTW those jello shots look delicious and anyone that takes offense to FOOD is really off their rocker. I can't even begin to see how another would take offense to that, it's just ridiculous!
Keep posting and blogging, I really enjoy your writings!